There is something else changing and evolving. It’s out of my reach my reach but also it’s within myself. I can’t put a finger on it still and it’s been like this for awhile but I do feel like pages keep turning continuously. Like the pace of life keeps picking up and opening up many new doors. Ugh, I wish I could just stop thinking and dreaming so much lately. It’s been making me fatigued because it’s been pushing me to do so much. I love it. I hate it.
Does it ever occur to you when you read your horoscopes and you dreamt of something before, that you start to connect that dots that an event or moment of some sort would happen? It’s a revelation that opens my mind to more possibilities but also predict in some sort. For instance my career side of things could go into it’s first step of creating a brand and inventing designs for a product and it mentioned how this year is high likely to be dictated to the right path. For love, it’s all happening right now and until later. It’s exciting to feel that the dreams are started to be connected with what’s already writing as a projection of what’s to come. The word amend came in context when I already had one thought of before I read it. Is that weird? Yes and it’s also striking to keep an eye out for the future, but to take it day by day is going to be awhile. Meaning, it’s another half of a year to go to get where I want to be.
I am not nearly where I want to be and I do appreciate it now since these are the steps I’m taking to achieve the greater cause. Not for myself, but for everyone else around me that has picked me off my feet. The people that are in my dejavu’s or revelations are the important ones still and somehow connected. Man, everyday since I left home has been this roller coaster that’s been going up hill and into unseen skies. I keep thinking about coming home “different” yet, improved and refined. Mellow, but solid. Coal, but still jaded.
Fascinating how my mind keeps digging in deeper and with more purpose to pull through. 2014, you aren’t over yet bitch.
- ― Allan Lokos (via psych-quotes)
Deeply connected, I feel yah.
It’s one of those moments where you randomly fall apart in your room and catch yourself in the act. Silly feelings, don’t play with me for awhile. Not today, nor tomorrow, not even in a couple of months.
Been writing everyday on my phone as a journal with insights of everything. My mind would be attracted to all sorta of things like the future, dreams, knowledge, lessons, love, life, whatever. It’s interesting how the less noisy life is from the sounds of other people, situations, judgments, your mind could listen to itself.
Lately I’ve been thinking more about what I truly want out of all perspectives of my life and how I can get to that point. Maybe I’ve been thinking too far ahead, but I’ve been taking it everyday really slow to have a better conscience of my decisions and it’s consequences. I believe around this age, the front part of your brain is more aware of those actions and I believe it. Why? Because everything before this had mistakes that led up to where everything is now which is no mistake. So what I want will eventually get there and what I want is a full glass and a whole heart.
I do want those and it sounds broad but being in my nature, I have done things half assed my whole life because my maturity wasn’t at that point yet. It took so much exploration within myself to understand what’s it like to lose everything and put a fat band aid on it to heal better. But, I also have taken things for granted and turned it around right after to show that I had no regrets as well. Eventually, my hands will pick up the pace, shuffle the card deck, dealt my cards and win the bet.
But of course with wanting things and seeing the path, I have to also look at the bigger picture. You know the saying actions speaking louder than words? Well it does because some of the habits need to go, need to keep or learn. One of thee habits that’s improved is my patience. This is really a virtue to learn with life being so fast pace and with it, you could get through so much without a hassle. Right now, I’m only patiently waiting for everyday to go by until I know that I am ready for something greater to come during the rest of this year. My plans, hopes and dreams haven’t died. They are rooting.
Glad I can still feel tears roll down my cheeks knowing that I can feel. For a moment there and over month, I haven’t felt sad truly sad in awhile. Sometimes it’s good to feel this way to remind us we could go either way.
Wondering if this leaf will blow Off my bag or will it blow away into the sky.